Everybody thank covid because i now have 30 mins to type my blog during the observation period after taking my first dose of vaccine. Lets's try to complete this post before i collapse and start foaming at the mouth. After a long night of having my anus ravaged by a raw tuna taco, i was wary of going anywhere until i stopped leaking 屎水.
Rea and Jl had already left for their diving trip early in the morning, so it was a solo day for me to explore around Bali. I initially planned to visit Tanah Lot but i don't think the locals would appreciate me pooping all over their sacred temple grounds.
The previous night's sleep was not made any more comfortable with this pair of creepy statues standing by my bedside. I was noting if they were in the same positions or had the same facial expressions every time i went to the toilet 👀
Oh shit i forgot we had arranged breakfast to be delivered to the villa. Ate some of the scrambled eggs and left everything else to the bat, my fellow laosai buddy/housemate.
Successfully took a dip in the pool without turning the water brown. Seemed like my intestines were beginning to recover so i felt confident enough to wander out.
Awww man i would have opted to swim in the communal pool if i knew there were women flashing their boobs.
Granted it's only a statue, but any glimpse of tiddies is a win when you've been single for 4 years ;;
Barely able to eat but still required to perform my food blogger duties, i visited The Fat Turtle for all you cafe sluts out there.
Didn't get to eat any turtles, but got myself some red velvet pancakes with ice cream, oreo and honeycomb bits instead. Pretty nice and not too disgustingly sweet like me and my urine.
Had a few hours to kill so i thought why not make my nails 美美? This guy must have assumed i was gay as soon as i stepped in.
But the amount of concentration and effort he put into ensuring my nails were in modeling condition was 💯. Indeed, it gave me the urge to suck his undoubtedly well groomed cock.
Another gay friend of mine highly recommend Dough Darlings, famous for their.. well..donuts, so i dabao-ed a bunch of them back to share with the diving couple at night.
Just $2 each for high quality, artisanal doughnut served by a moustached Happy Iu Bingcheng. How can you not love Bali?
On hindsight i should have eaten one immediately. The texture got really chewy after i left them in the fridge overnight.
Onwards to the highlight of my day: squeezing in a mini bus full of sweaty ang mohs! Knn this klook overbooked our tour so we had to endure a torturous 2 hour ride like illegal immigrants.
Ngl at times it seemed like they were taking us into the wilderness to harvest our organs, so boy was i relieved to finally see the zoo.
Lizard my house got alot no need come all the way here to see.
Here's something interesting: an animal that sounds like a veil that Muslim women wear over their heads.
This bear cat didn't move an inch so imma conclude that this was just a stuffed animal and binturongs don't exist.
The tiger was pissed after catching me peeping at it having a bath. Thankfully, i had good grades so i was let off with just a conditional warning.
Statue only meh pfft where is the real 大象 don't force me pull down my pants and show you mine hor.
Then i turned around and almost chua sai-ed. A huge fucking elephant separated from us by the thinnest rope in the world. If it decided to charge us i wouldn't be typing this right now.
Please stop using flash guys you're gonna get us all killed.
The walkabout around the zoo was pretty short. I guess it's because we had to do the highlight of the tour in batches so they had to rush us to our complimentary dinner.
And what a wonderful buffet spread it was. Barbecued zebra meat and giraffe ears were the highlights. (I actually have no idea what meats we were served so i'm just making this up)
The food was really good and i would have eaten more if my stomach wasn't a ticking time bomb. I was also joined at my table by an African American couple who were extremely friendly and hungry. I think they got eat almost 8 rounds of the buffet.
Dinner was followed by an amazingly boring performance from the dance troupe. I have felt more specks of entertainment in some of my zoom meetings than this shit.
We are at the zoo and here we are watching people pretending to be zebras. Please just let me go on the safari tour already.
Finally it was time! All that travelling to fulfill my dreams of being locked in a cage with people staring at me like an exhibit.
The safari tour brings you (in a caged lorry) into various animals' habitats. Which sounds even more fascinating than the African safari tours where you admire them from a hundred metres away.
Oh my fucking god we are being stalked by a pride of lions. My balls have never felt smaller.
I can hardly describe the thrill of being 1m away from a lion. If i reached my arm out i would never be able to masturbate again.
Then the zookeepers also sibei fan jian keep cocktease the lions with the meat and make them du lan. I'm already struggling to hold my shit in please stahp making me chua sai.
"They have scary eyes." When you run out of animal facts and don't know what else to say.
AWWWW SO CUTE. Even Tarzan didn't have zebras chasing after him.
We also got the chance to feed some elephants. I feel relatively safer now that we have a cage between us instead of a string.
Rhinos are my spirit animal because they are always so horny. HAHA GET IT? HAhahaha...ha..haa...
Feeding the cow now so that i can have wagyu beef later. Such is the beautiful circle of life.
Then a fucking tiger leapt on top of us, trying to sniff a way in. I have never been more grateful to be stuck inside a cage.
Thank 四面佛 it wasn't able to, but the tiger peed all over us as a fuck you anyway. That concludes the safari tour and also day 2, full of enthralling moments and close encounters with animals i never thought i would experience. Totally worth the $100 if you're an animal lover or just want to test if apex predators can break through a brittle looking metal cage in an Indonesian zoo. However, that's not all the wildlife and cheap thrills Bali has to offer. Stay tuned for day 3 to find out what's next- wait... something inside me doesn't feel rightttsadjffhs rarghd ueahhhhh kofjkdkds pklfdjasd tksily
- End of Day 2 -
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