Still staying on track with this 1 post per month schedule. There were many times i questioned myself. Why am i doing this? Why can't i just surf facebook or play dota or masturbate after work? I did it for you, dear reader. Remember that when you scroll through the rest of this post, injected with my sincere love.
As predicted by the travel advisory, it was a wet day in Hakodate which was to last the entire day. All my fucking plans are ruined.
Irregardless of the dark skies, we wanted to start the day on a bright note. Das right we visited the Asaichi morning market and prepared to blow $100 on breakfast.
The first building is where rows and rows of restaurants showcase their replica sashimi bowls to tempt customers in.
Squid is the reigning 土产 in Hakodate. Ugly looking buggers, but they taste so good when sliced up into sashimi.
You know those videos of 'dancing squids' when soy sauce is poured over its dead carcass? If that's what you're looking for, you're in the right place, you sick pervert.
Normally we would have taken a few days to decide on the restoran, but we walked straight into Ikkatei Tabiji because i did some prior research online. Fun fact: 'Ika' refers to squid, while 'Tabiji' is that WWE wrestler who spits green mist onto his opponents.
Would have loved to dine at the counter seats and feel the chef's warm fingers inside me but unfortunately there wasn't enough space for all of us.
Mistaking us for some Kpop boy band, we got a private room upstairs all to ourselves instead. *sigh* Honest mistake, happens to us all the time, no worries about it.
My judgmental eyes were hovering over you alcoholics when you ordered that craft beer for breakfast.
The stars of the show arrived shortly thereafter. Sleek slices of salmon glistening with fatty oils, nuggets of sweet scallops and deshelled crab legs piled onto rice.
Always fanjian, i tried their spechhhiallll bowl and was indeed greeted by some weird slices of seafood that i had never seen before. The highlight being an arkshell so fishy that i thought Jl never shower properly.
The grilled squid was kinda nice. Crunchy meat and charred flavour paired with a tangy mayonnaise. But the sashimi version in our seafood bowls still reigns supreme.
But alas, having any morsel of fish after that majestic salmon belly in Otaru was always going to be a step down. It was a decent meal and all but it the initial ejaculation will always feel more shiok than the 二炮三炮.
Reinvigorated by our first meal of the day, Yc was ready to put all that energy into good use.
Take the first step towards recovery today. The ones who suffer the most are the people around you..
The food expedition was far from over as we ventured deeper into the market where we witnessed unspeakable atrocities.
Here's where you never want to be as a squid. Customers fish their own live squids from the tank and have them ned starked immediately and chopped into sashimi.
Why are there exclamations of surprise like "WAHH OmG he caught a squid!!". It's a small fucking tank full of them, it's not like there's anything else inside sister.
Someone call SPCA. Thanks to other diners, we were able to witness the whole decapitation process and walked away with a big fat NOPE.
Instead, we preferred something that wouldn't twitch as much while being cooked alive.
Spending $8 on an oyster to store inside my testicles is what i call a good short term investment.
To be fair, they were very big oysters and i felt the ocean pulsating through me when i finally released them back home.
Like Sj who can't say no to alcohol, we couldn't resist getting some freshly grilled scallops from the same vendor.
These were not as delish as the ones we had in Osaka, but you won't go too wrong with fresh scallops and a lil bit of miso.
Ck bought himself a squid ink bao which was kinda weird, but you can say the same for his latest love interest..
The unrelenting downpour worsened as we resumed our food hunt. I split up temporarily from the group to do my food blogger duties at Uni Murakami.
Read about this legendary uni restaurant online and it's probably the most famous place in the world for sea urchin. However, the rest were not too keen on paying ~$30 to eat the sex organs of a spiky sea creature.
Yes, the edible parts of a sea urchin are its gonads, which in layman terms is simply known as "lan pa ji".
So technically i'm eating sea urchin testicles and ovaries, but based on how remarkable it tastes i will gladly enjoy a sea urchin bukkake anytime.
I've had uni in Tsukiji and Kuromon markets before but this is mindblowingly good. The custard-like tenderness. No fishy tastes whatsoever. A slight umami and the sweet and salty aftertaste. Mixed in with the rice, it was like the most advanced egg yolk and my tastebuds were blessed enough to touch it. Every little ballsack was thoroughly enjoyable and worth the money spent.
Meanwhile, the rest were hunting for the same melon we tried in Osaka. You know, the one that made us lose control of our bladder.
A white strawberry! And it cost a whopping $11 for one although it is enormous and incredibly juicy. Sure, you may be retarded to spend $11 on a strawberry but hey at least you're a rich retard.
From Reagan's cheeky smile, we can tell that wasn't the only strawberry that was popped that day..
We finally conceded to the rain and scurried over to the nearby Hakodate station for shelter. Had to conjure up a makeshift wet weather program to last the rest of the day.
Annoyed that we could hardly explore the city on our only full day in Hakodate, we took out our frustrations on the spicy chicken cutlet from 7 Eleven. Hen angry but hen delicious.
Bet you didn't know that Hakodate was the first port in Japan to be opened to the West. Here's a mural depicting them as the first sellouts.
With some help, we got onto a bus that took us to Goryokaku Tower, which overlooks the famed star shaped fort.
As one of the top tourist attractions in Hakodate, it was extremely popular and crowded.
Every one of our 8 tickets were non identical to the other, displaying the fort in different seasons or angles. Nice little attention to detail.
And the view at the top was nothing short of spectacular.
The only stars i am interested in are pornstars, but it's an impressive architectural design nonetheless.
Let Ck save you 800 yen and bring you on a 360 degrees tour of the tower. Bonus includes some wannabe 诸葛亮s discussing how to infiltrate the castle and a sneak scare at 2:01
Gather your balls and hold her hand Ck. 她 ok 的.
It's a pretty castle and all, but does it work tho?..
The Story of Goryokaku Castle
(Actual events may differ)
The port of Hakodate provisionally opened up in 1854 to do trade with the Western world. The initial encounters were tense as the Japanese were protective of their land and possessions.
"What do you mean Yui Hatano won't make it in Hollywood?!"
Eventually they settled on an amicable trade agreement that benefited both parties.
"Oh fuck they have guns... Ang mo dua ki! Ang mo wan sui!!"
To commemorate this new partnership, a photograph was taken as a symbol of friendship.
"Tanaka-san, remember to include #sexyboysofMeiji before publishing"
Supplied with advanced weaponry from the West, the rebels in Hakodate took on their mainland enemies without fear.
"FUCK SALADS, SHOOT ALL OF THE GRASS!"
The rebellion spread far and wide, even the old and sick were not spared from the newfound Western ideologies.
"Hi, we're from the new circumcision department and this is our surgeon who's also an ex-samurai"
But one day, everything changed when the female titan breached the glass box and disrupted their peaceful little lives.
"Wtf she looks even scarier than the anime"
An emergency committee was summoned to combat this new threat.
"Wa i see the 7.20 patch notes rubick like sibei OP"
"Shut the fuck up, Matsumoto"
And so a star shaped fort was built, and the female titan found it pretty and left them unharmed.
The End.
And thus this castle and viewing tower is dedicated to the almighty wise commander, known as leo_aug, SendtheFlame, iamDesire, Slashmanic, Zebraaa etc.
Idk man the fort is pretty and all but the story behind it is kind of underwhelming. A rebel just ran and hid in the castle, then lost the battle without much of a fight but they dedicated this place to him because nothing else happened here. I'm so confused.
Okay i need some refreshments after that epic story telling. We got some ice cream from the same tower with the very high standards of Cremia in mind.
It wasn't even a close fight. The cheesecake ice cream tasted like yogurt, which is ewww because it's essentially chao sng milk but to each his own.
No rest for the weary as Jh combats his wall while we enjoy our frozen treats.
When the sky decides to take a neverending leak, visiting a highly recommended burger chain exclusive to Hakodate seemed like a good idea even on a partially full stomach.
Ordering your meal is a daunting task with an overload of information that my brain is still trying to process 8 months later.
When a hot guy enters and sits at your table but you try to play it cool and look away like you don't care although you wet af below.
Don't these fries look just absolutely divine? But don't be fooled by their looks, the cum-like liquid is white sauce instead of melted cheese. So much potential wasted..
We opted for the chinese chicken burger, also known as CCB. Slightly sweet, crispy chicken burger topped with cheese and a fried egg. Inferior to our boy the glorious Mcspicy but still can eat.
Took the cute little tram to Hakodate Bay area, home to the Kanemori red brick warehouses, fisheries that have been converted to beautiful tourist traps.
With the continuous downpour, the slippery roads are an ever present danger. 马路如虎口..
The Bay Area has spectacular views of the port of Hakodate but due to the icy paths, it would have taken us a few hours of waddling to reach the end of the pier. We decided to seek shelter in the warmth of the warehouses instead.
Souvenirs of every type imaginable are sold here. And yes they aren't cheap, so probably not suitable for that shameless colleague who transfers you Grab credits instead of cash after you have paid for lunch in advance.
Another one of a million famous cheesecakes stores in Japan. Still, i'll eat them all or die trying.
Purchased their 2 most recommended items, the cheesecake and pumpkin pudding.
The cheesecake was really wowz. Light, fluffy and fragrant. Got a nice bouncy texture like a boob too. Who doesn't love boobs?
Pumpkin lovers will enjoy the pudding which is essentially pumpkin puree with a layer of cream atop. It was too overwhelming for me as i like my pumpkins carved with a dick stuck into it and a stepsister feeling what's inside.
Hopefully Ck will be holding a girl's hand instead of a gopro on the next trip.
Another music box museum. I swear Hokkaido has a weird fetish for boxes that churn out melodies.
Supermarket alert! I repeat, supermarket alert!! Took out 20 mins of our busy schedule to show respect to it and covered every inch.
A merlion on a dustbin, blatantly insinuating SG is trash after their ez invasion during WWII. What to do, lose liao cannot talk so much.
Wasn't impressed with this colourful fountain because the only fountain that interests me is the one that heals my health and mana.
On a day of neverending feasting, we weren't even remotely hungry but felt obliged to have dinner before all the shops close at 9pm. Ajisai, the ramen place we initially intended to visit didn't open (surprise surprise) so we had to make do with whatever was left.
Another conveyor belt sushi experience to redeem ourselves as we completely screwed up our first time, snatching all plates that came our way without knowing that it belonged to the other tables. Good thing that at Hakodate Gourmet Club, the chef brings your orders directly to your table.
When the fish to rice ratio is heavily favoured towards the former, you know the sushi is legit.
One of the rare places in Japan that serves aburi salmon. Yes, i could hear Jh's erotic moans when he saw this on the menu.
And i joined in on the mating calls when i saw my amaebi sushi. I'm a sucker for raw, melty sweet prawns and they do it perfectly here.
We didn't eat all that much so we figured that we would buy some supper from the nearby Hasegawa convenience store and head back to the apartment.
It turned out to be a stroke of genius because they are well known for their must try bentos in Hakodate. Not jiaowei hor. We made sure to warm ourselves up sufficiently before the tough journey home. It was no easy feat as for the first time in my life, the heavy wind blew me forward on the icy roads. I feel so...violated..
8th night, 8th supper.
Sadly, our apartment got 2 storeys, got massage chair but don't have a simple microwave. The cold skewers tasted meh but would have been much better if piping hot. Going booking.com to give you -1 star now.
Step aside 老伴, the best dessert of our trip is on display. Milk pudding from Petite Merveille earlier that evening was so so gentle.. As if i was nibbling on a newborn baby's smooth butt.. not that i have done that before of course..hahah...
No night is complete without watching our newly attached friends trying to find a hiding place to perform their respective duties.
Look at that sickening blissful face while whispering sweet nothings to his wife. As a single guy, this video disgusts and offends me.
But once the duties are done, we gather and have some "we time", ending the last full day in our Hokkaido leg together. I MADE IT THROUGH THE ENTIRE POST WITHOUT USING PAINT WHHEEEEEEE.
Bonus video:
Throwback to our Day 2 post when Yc was filming Ck cleaning the floor with his butt. Now karma strikes and the roles are reversed, so you'll do well to stop laughing at people with disabilities. Like that guy who keeps harassing others on facebook to like his ragnarok page.
- End of Day 8 -
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