Happy CNY / Valentine's / Total Defence day!!! Unable to travel overseas because someone ate a bat 3,500km away? Not to worry fam allow me to bring you on a virtual tour to Kaohsiung where the residents were already practicing lockdown before covid even began.
The older folks were famished while waiting for us to wake up, so instead of the planned breakfast we went to the tauhuey place downstairs.
If you can add cheese add bacon, then thumbs up man. But this place cannot so BOOOO!! BOO TO THIS 蛋饼!
Wasn't the greatest meal but good thing there are plenty of other eats nearby, like this roadside porridge stall that has a 50-50 chance of triggering food poisoning.
By some miracle i managed to find this moving xiao long bao stall that i read about on the internet. Children, this is proof that hard work & dedication will get you far in life, so don't stop chasing your dreams like how i chased these xiao long baos.
And disappoint, it did not. Thin dumpling skin, lovely pork + spring onion fillings and amazingly none of the broth leaked out despite my aggressive swings while walking home. 9 pieces for SGD $3 only. Hey Din Tai Fung, 操你 and 操你的 $10 xlbs.
WHY? WHY YOU SPAM PORK FLOSS ON MY PORRIDGE LIKE IT'S FREE? I really dislike pork floss man, the texture tastes like porky soil to me. The porridge underneath was really yummy though. Such a shame..
Today we are visiting Qijin island, where all the tourists flock to because Kaohsiung has literally nothing else to offer.
Come to think about it, the island is kinda like their Sentosa but without any entertainment facilities.
The most popular way to get there is via a cheap and quick ferry ride. Check out my uncle rocking that classic Vicks inhaler stick in the nose look. That's what i strive to look like in 20 years.
Less than 5 mins later and we have arrived. Surely they could have just built a bridge across?
I mean it's so near that i could have swam over unless some sharks chomped me up.
Qijin island was more populated than expected. There are markets, restaurants, temples and more signs of life than the mainland.
Look at these entitled people telling me to stop when i have the right of way. The best way to explore Qijin island is by renting bicycles. We got the motorised 4 seater so the elders can sit back and enjoy the scenery.
Our first stop is the lighthouse, where 2 girls were obliviously standing in my shot. 小姐们 please move aside 我不是要 snipe 你们.
Suddenly got this sibei eerie spot draped with yellow tape that looks like somebody just died here last night. If you look at the picture carefully, you may actually spot something creepy...
Turn around 180 degrees though, and the view is pretty neat.
But continue on your way to the top of Qihou fort and it looks even greater.
Marking an X on this spot in case i ever get depression and want to commit suicide by leaping to my death.
From the fort, you can see Qijin beach with its distinctive black sand. Not sure if it's because of geology or just lupsup.
Just taking a picture of Qijin star tunnel when these 2 fuckers.. Hey 怎么又是你们, stop trying to get famous on my blog hor.
Trying to do vlogger things but knn handphone camera 拿到手酸. Better stick to photos.
Calling it "Star Tunnel" is a bit of a stretch.. It's just an old tunnel with some lights installed. Looks no different from an MRT tunnel.
But the view from the other side actually quite buay pai. The cliffs and occasional wave crashing menacingly against the rocks was quite a sight.
Dad: "Why is it so fucking dirty?"
The famous photo spot that is plastered all over influencers' ig accounts. No idea why it's so popular, you can build the same structure at Pasir Ris beach and it will look exactly the same.
Since my parents weren't bothered enough to queue for the photo spot, we used the smaller archway instead. My dad acting too cool to look at the camera is evidently where i got all my cool genes from. Either that or he's sneakily beo-ing some chio bu.
I mean look at that cool fucking demeanour. His sperm must have been too cool to swim towards my mum's egg. It's a miracle they had 3 sons.
No idea what happened here but my fingers accidentally took a photo in her general direction.
Photos and more photos, that about sums up this island. Even though there's a beach i don't think i saw any water sports facilities. Who would want to frolick about on dirty looking sand anyway?
Of course we couldn't leave without trying one of their many seafood restorans. Since the places i researched were at either ends of the island, we walked into the first one we saw with our fingers crossed.
Free flow, self service pearl rice. Never saw my brother this happy since he got a treasure chest from Crystal Maiden's wheel.
Clams were sweet and beautifully plump. How come our SG clams skinny skinny and yellowish one ah is it because our sea water is polluted with pokka green tea bottles?
Stir fried smoked pork was pretty good too but it was cooked with the same sauce as the clams which was a little boring tbh.
Oysters fried 盐酥 style. Couldn't taste the freshness cooked this way but at least it's not drenched in orange, sweet sauce.
海鲜炒面 sounded awesome on paper but what we got couldn't be farther from the truth. Isn't that tiny prawn supposed to be used for hae bi hiam?
The prawns with tofu was another weird combination that should never have happened. The taste is so bland that it resembles something our NS cookhouse would serve.
Squid with sour vegetables i think? So forgettable that my brain did not even save 1kb of memory to remember this dish existed. Oh wells lesson learnt, no more random restorans from now.
Suddenly take photo with police station so they can remember where to bail me out in case i get detained for sexual harassment.
Ok enough of this island. Time to head back for a short nap and wash off the salt in my balls.
In the evening, we went to Yan Cheng Pu which used to be a famous merchant district but now dead like all other parts of Kaohsiung.
What kind of 商场 is this? My house downstairs mama shop got more customers than this whole area combined.
Luckily we weren't here for the shopping, but for some duck.
Come here only 2 days i almost forgot how it feels like to queue for something. Not complaining though, i can slowly read the chinese menu without being pressured to order.
Kaohsiung people may be few, but i'm convinced all of them have 200 iq. Putting braised duck AND braised pork fats together on top of pearl rice? It is simply remarkable, like the performance of Niina Amin in SSNI-833.
The steamed duck paled deeply in comparison to the rice bowl. Don't waste your time with this bland shit and just get the duck + pork fat orgy bowl.
The 长辈们 needed some tea to wash down that oily meal. Meanwhile, we took a look around this god forsaken area..
Jesus how many fucking optical shops do you need? If you see less than 3 of them, you may want to visit this street.
Next up, we travelled to Formosa Boulevard station to see the Dome of Light, an art installation that gives the station the title of "Most beautiful subway station in the world". This place is also the only interchange on Kaohsiung's mrt map, which means u would expect it to be as busy as our City Hall station.
NOPE. Even the stalls are not rented out due to how deserted it is. Quite sure our Tuas station is more populated than this dead town.
Mom looked a little lonely in the picture but i told her i would take care of it. Hope she doesn't sees this because she will confirm post onto facebook and all my relatives will think it's real.
The station was indeed quite alluring, even from the surface. The subway entrances/exits were nicely designed with glass but sadly nobody is here to appreciate it.
The most attractive part about Formosa Boulevard station is that it is near to a night market, the only place where you can find the elusive Kaohsiung people.
Liuhe night market comprises of a long stretch of food stalls, and they have a good variety of delicacies so you don't have to keep eating 香肠 and 鸡排 like mom and dad.
都跟你说了,我爱喝奶不是骗人的.
Best papaya milk of the trip. So thick, so smooth, so fragrant. I can feel my man boobs growing with every sip.
This is certified trash. I have no idea what made me think prawns inserted into fried quail eggs would make a good snack.
The beef cubes here came with lots of sauteed onions which were perfect to balance out the fatty, oily meat. Good stuff.
My uncle fell in love with their shaved ice since the tau huay stall from Day 1. It's shredded so thinly that the texture is almost bee hoon like. And what better ingredients to top it with than azuki red beans and semen?
Dad was a fanboy of their mayor at that time but he was too paiseh to take a photo with the cutout. However, when you've got a talented son, anything is possible.
Again, the lack of activities in this city means dabao-ing night market food back to the apartment is the only way to wind out the night, not that i'm complaining.
Duck blood in mala soup, meat skewers, braised pork rice and Taiwanese 肉圆. A more than decent supper if you ask me.
According to my watch, IT'S HOUSE TOUR TIME! Featuring special guest appearances by my family's undergarments and a fucking big plant that sprawls onto the sofa. This airbnb apartment was great overall, only the shitty beds 扣分 abit.
Too bored so my brother and i went down to Phuket for a Thai massage (no happy ending). Never thought of Taiwan as a cheap place for massages but this place was really affordable. We will need all the relaxation we can get because on the next episode, we will be leaving Kaohsiung and going on a road trip with my brother on the steering wheel and me on the GPS. Will we end up in mainland China? Find out on day 3.
- End of Day 2 -
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