Japan 2018 - Day 6: Skiing at Grand Hirafu, Niseko Mt. Resort

27th February.
The smell of sweaty reused snow coats swirl the bustling equipment room. We picked the most contrasting outfits against the snow so that the rescue team would be able to see our corpses from a mile away. The day of reckoning awaits as we don our ski boots with absolutely 0 knowledge of skiing whatsoever. 说好的看 Youtube tutorial 呢? Didn't happen as we ended up nua-ing the night away. This is the dramatic story of 7 Singaporeans who almost died on a popular ski resort in Hokkaido. This is... I Shouldn't Be Alive.

Day started off with a highly anticipated meal at our hotel's restaurant which was included with our booking and garnered countless 5 star reviews.

The spread was exceptional for a breakfast buffet and we had to exercise some self control to prevent overeating.

Usual boring breakfast of hashbrowns, bacon, pancakes and indecisive guys? NOPE.

They have a build your own chirashi don station! Haven't been this excited since Steven Gerrard volleyed a screamer into the bottom left corner in the last minute of the 2006 FA cup final.

Please take me away from this station before i leave only fish scales for the other diners. If my kiasu calculations are correct, like that smelly smelly outside sell $20 hor. Mom will be proud of me. 

One thing that i love almost as much as sashimi, are girls. Oh sorry food-wise? Oh right eggs. Imagine my erection when i realised that they have a dedicated customisable omelette station. RIP cholesterol.

The world is full of beautiful girls, yet i helplessly fell for you when you sprinkled cheese onto my eggs.

I couldn't wait to devour that omelette.. Something beautiful she created with her own hands is going inside me and becoming a part of me forever. I gazed at her and giggled like Ck staring at his phone. 难道这就是爱情?

Have you ever seen someone leaving a trail of vomit as they ski? Today is the day.

And as for my love infused omelette? I gently sliced it apart with my knife and runny scrambly goodness poured out just as it should. Full marks to my new wife.

Off to skiing we go! We rented gear from the shop literally a few footsteps away from our accommodation and with good reason. If any of us had broken a leg, we would have been able to roll back to the hotel. Smart thinking.

Proudly strutted to the front counter and asked if they provided rentals for half day of skiing and half day of snowboarding. A chorus of "Sugoi!" and "Nani?!?!" echoed from the staff. Apparently nobody does that here and they thought we were some kind of snowsport pros. You couldn't be more wrong my friends.

Jesus christ save some pussy for the other guys you handsome devil. Took awhile for the kit man to suit us up and then we were left on our own to figure out the rest. 

First question, how the fuck do you walk in these fucking ski boots? Pretty sure they were created as torture devices. Fucking heavy and it restricts your ankle movement so that you have to lift your whole leg and walk one step at a time. We thought that was bad enough, and then we faced a flight of stairs. I have never felt more disabled in my life.

Who needs an instructor when you have Ck, armed with the ski knowledge of 1 Youtube video. We were definitely the most xia suay bunch on the whole mountain, trying to figure out how to move without accidentally killing ourselves or others.

"Yc 会了!" A huge achievement as he moved 3 meters forward. The ang mohs watching enjoyed a good laugh at our expense but they won't be laughing when all the slopes are closed off to look for our bodies. After 15 mins of getting used to walking like ducks, we made one of the worst decisions of our lives.

We took the ski lift up! Because the map says green zone beginner slope up there mah. So means must go up to learn right?

Okay this is getting abit too high.. I'm worrying about how we are going to ski down the mountain with such steep slopes. No passengers were allowed on the ski lift downwards, so the only options were to ski or cry for help from the emergency services. Then disaster struck. Jh dropped one of his ski poles below. RIP ski pole you had a good run until you met Jh. Gym so much but hand cacat.

Meanwhile on the ski lift behind... happy people with not a single worry in the world. You see that bar above their heads? We were supposed to pull it down so that we wouldn't end up like Jh's ski pole BUT NOBODY TOLD US ANYTHING so we just sat there, clinging for our lives, while taking photos and videos of course. 

Yes smile happy happy. This almost became your funeral photos.

And as our life-threatening ski lift ride ended, we were greeted by this majestic view.

For a few minutes, we forgot the impending doom that awaited us and just marvelled at the grandeur of Mt.Yotei in front of our eyes.

Hmm does the giant dildo thermometer also coincidentally measure their love?

Don't worry Yc i got you covered.

I couldn't find any photos of Ivy sitting down but fret not, i got some help from the internet.

Whatcha looking at notti boy? Someone left their skis there and we used it as props to take the most satki instagram photos.

Rob Van Dam all the way at the top! He has Ck where he wants him.. FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH!!

Paid $150 worth of ski equipment and lift pass just to take this photo. Okay done? Now, how do we get down without killing ourselves?

Walking around in ski boots is a torture in itself and we got exhausted just by taking photos. Questionable levels of physical fitness at age 27.

While having a tactical meeting to discuss our funeral arrangements, we discovered a way down the mountain via a gondola a fair distance away. So while Jh made the trip back down to get another ski pole, we proceeded with our self learning session.

The only gentle slope on the mountain where we could practice our ski moves without breaking a leg. It was a super taxing activity as we kept falling down and getting up on repeat.

The rest of them contemplating whether life is worth living while i'm just hoping Reagan senpai notices me.

It was scary and tough, but inspired by such a wonderful view, we conquered our fears and successfully skied all the way down.

I lied, we all took the gondola down in the end. There came a point where you could not see where the slopes were heading below and my testicles said NOPE. And it has to be stated that Kl and Yc took the gondola down first so they were technically the most faggot.

The walk of shame to the gondola wasn't a great feeling, but we can take comfort in the fact that the only noobs up on those slopes were us, and that takes some guts (and stupidity). TLDR the beginner zone is NOT suitable for newbies, as we found out the hard way.

After a full day stuck up on that mountain hiking more than we skied, we can proudly say we survived Mt. Niseko! But the best feeling of the day was removing the god damned ski boots. Feels as good as taking off your underwear and unsticking those sticky sweaty balls, or unhooking your bra to unleash your sticky tits at the end of a long day for the ladies.

小姐你想杀人吗?? You know the snowball fights are getting out of hand when Jl pops up with a snowboulder big enough to kill someone.

That awesome breakfast buffet lasted us all the way until dinner. But after burning our energy falling all over the place, we arrived at Bang Bang in dire need of sustenance.

A charcoal grill brings out the best in meats, much like how you bring out the best in me, dear reader.

Not the most convinced by Jl's cooking skills after she added apples to her potato salad, but no doubt she has the feisty temper of Gordon Ramsay.

It's a good yakitori rice, a bit overrated in my opinion. But definitely okay to be in a top restaurant! To say that it is one of the best yakitori rice is really exaggeration. It served like 10 people in a high level dinner. You need way more to compare it to Yoshinoya or Tori Q.

Ordering fried chicken in Hokkaido turned out great everytime so far and our good streak continued. Zangi chicken best chicken.

That meal barely filled us up but good thing we had been eyeing this pizza place since our first day in Niseko. This family run pizzeria is owned by true blue Italians and highly recommended on tripadvisor.

Sister cities or twin towns are a form of legal or social agreement between towns, cities and even countries in geographically and politically distinct areas to promote cultural and commercial ties. 

Googled that for you because a good website provides valuable content to the reader, and this is definitely an informative blog. 活到老, 学到老, 三级片, 看到饱。

Seriously contemplating a change of career. Delivering pizzas back to the pigs at the hotel with such a breathtaking view was a unique, enjoyable experience.

When the floodlights are turned on, the mountain exudes an additional magical aura. It gave us that extra bit of motivation to put on our skis and give it another go during the night run.  

That is definitely us gracefully flying down the mountain. Don't doubt me. 不要怀疑. We did not just stay in the hotel eating pizzas while watching other people ski.

Fully kitted out in our yukatas with the intention of visiting the onsen after our little pizza party. You're looking at the manliest squad in Niseko, sending shivers down the spines of other men..

..while making all the women sticky down there.

The pizzas were delectable but they didn't come cheap. Also, they only cut it into 6 pieces when we had 7 people. Is it want us to 打架?

狼狈 faces after a shag day, but it's such a great feeling to huddle up in a room to gorge on pizzas together.

Resembles a scene from a JAV movie... very disturbing.

What's even more disturbing? Me making my comeback after the debut video back in 2011. Please kindly support.

Sniff... they were such a beautiful couple together why did 老天爷 have to force them apart?? We entered the male onsen and were greeted by cocks. Lots of hairy cocks. It was very uncomfortable because the bath was so small and there were so many other naked middle aged man inside. What if our dicks touched? What if he suddenly gets an erection? What if i get an erection? So many things could go wrong. Seeing as there is no chance of entering the female bath without being arrested, we returned to the rooms to soak in our bathtubs instead. 

I could just sit here, admiring the snow whizzing about in the air all night while masturbating with Jh and Ck.

Some light konbini snacks to end the tiring day on a sweet note. We thoroughly enjoyed the beauty and mystique of Niseko even though the skiing part wasn't as great as we had hoped. Rest assured that we will be back some day to conquer the mountain properly. Next up, Hakodate. And how the fuck am i only halfway through blogging about Japan i've already been writing non stop for 6 months wtf?

- End of Day 6 -