Taiwan Trip 2017 - Day 3: Sun Moon Lake 日月潭, Qingjing Farm 清境農場 & Jialing's Birthday 老女生日

Day 3, here we go again. Had to wake up early in the morning to meet our hired driver for a day trip to sun moon lake and qingjing farm. We went for the complimentary breakfast buffet offered by our hotel, and checked out the horny waitress Kl claimed to see every morning.

Some random guy staring at the buffet spread in deep thought, contemplating his breakfast battle plan in the small cafeteria. Relax leh bro it's only breakfast. 

The variety of food on offer is pretty typical, with an asian twist including gyoza and fish with mentaiko sauce. 

Their eggs were lazily prepared by just steaming them together in 1 big pot. The chicks didn't die for this. The rest of the food options were decent, nothing fantastic.


Our driver, Jack from Jerry Travels, picked us up at our hotel. Grateful to Jl for finding their services or we would have had a massive headache regarding transport up in the mountains. Total cost for 8am to 7pm was NTD 6500 (around $300 sgd) for a 9 seater van with fuel included. Steep, but the convenience is definitely worth it.

Ck!! Mazu is here! 她没有驾uber!

What we didn't realise was the package also included a fucking tour guide, and by that i mean the driver. He introduced us around the city and fed us interesting little nuggets of information, which is a plus for some. But for us who needed some shut eye during the journey, he just couldn't shut up. He was literally talking throughout the whole trip in his booming voice and quizzing us questions that we obviously wouldn't know. For example, where are the flatlands of Taiwan? Fucking geography?? Fk u hor the only flatlands i know are Jialing, Cynthia and Yun Shan.


I had to fill in some insurance papers and he said something about putting in a fake but believable english address so the traffic police wouldn't be able to check it properly. This was the first word that came to my mind.

The surroundings quickly swapped buildings for mountains while we were still being bombarded with questions about Taiwan. Initially, we planned on only visiting Qingjing but because we had extra time, we managed to fit in sun moon lake for Kl and Jl who had never visited before.

Besides the kp driver, the van was more than comfortable. Time flew by and we reached the lake in no time while gazing at the magnificent scenery.


First stop, Longfeng temple. Usually we skip temples because they all look the same, but this is a temple famed for finding love so we checked it out totally for research purposes.


Thousands of lockets tied to the railings by forever alones much like the love lock bridge in Paris.


Confused as to what to do since we don't believe in praying for love. We accept that we look ugly and no god can help us ; ;

Another reason why we didn't pray: we didn't want the ladies behind to mistake us for who their deity sent. Better safe than sorry


Driver took us back to the harbour where we purchased our ferry tickets from ah wang. I couldn't take the ticketing guy and his bangs seriously.   


Off onto the ferry we go


Unintended selfie #1


Not the best seats on the boat, but we got the best company.

Side effects of not masturbating for 48 hours and counting. Unpredictably quiet at first, the beast will get more vocal as the testosterone levels builds.


"Sun Moon Lake is the largest body of water in Taiwan as well as a tourist attraction. Located in Yuchi Township, Nantou County, the water is thought to be sexual juices harvested from local girls when MSE landed." - Wikipedia


As was with our maiden trip here, first stop is eating the famous tea leaf egg 


Tiongs, tiongs everywhere. No hebe for us to stalk this time.


There is literally nothing else on this stop for us. A little temple... and maybe a restroom? And even more tiongs. That's about it.

After watching chinese Guile PK her fellow tiong street fighters, we were ready to board the ferry again.


2nd stop at Yi Da Shao to experience the cable car we missed out on 3 years ago.


Greeted by the alleys of street food and Kl's sexy butt(Shape + Circularity) x (Bounce + Firmness) = perfect ass

Assam tea is the local specialty here, with a shop selling it every few metres


Assam tea ice cream. Looks good but it's no cremia

Taking a short break while buying some tea souvenirs. Posing with very...diverse hand signs.

Vietnamese x Taiwanese fusion. Shame the lady took so long to prepare one 包 that we gave up on it. 


Finding nothing much of interest in the repetitive stalls, we went back on track towards the gondola.

Didn't realise it was a 10 mins walk away, but at least the track was filled with things to see, unlike a certain fucking treetop trail in Singapore.

Reagan and Jh spotted something peculiar in the skies above...

Besides, xie shao guang, we were also lucky to see the sakura in bloom


The path leads us to the lakeside where we wished we had girlfriends to walk through with..

这个湖有他妈的大

Just one of the many 低智商 conversations we have.

Sun Moon Lake ropeway station looking dope from the front


View from the back isn't lacking either, except for the weird looking statue that resembles something that stepped out of our mrt building cannibal game, The Forest.

The senior citizens' dab

Hopping into our ultraman designed cable car. The stickers blocked around 1/3 of what we could see, and it was really stuffy because the only ventilation is the 2 small holes that only our hands could fit through.

The ride got really boring after awhile, with seeing a whirlpool near the bay and a few 台客s (Taiwanese ah bengs) the only interesting things of note. We took some wefies to kill time.

5 hours, 3 bathroom breaks and 1 fishball noodle later i have finally finished editing this picture.

Only to find out there's one more to edit.. but heng i am unemployed got time to do this kind of shit. Also, those frequent wanking sessions have helped me develop a stable hand while doing my "photoshop".

Jh was holding my phone outside of the cable car to take the perfect photo. I have to say i wasn't the least bit worried about him dropping it while cleaning the urine off my jeans.

But this is the beautiful result of sacrificing your phone. Still not fucking worth it.

Wondering if someone has to climb all these stairs to retrieve my phone if Jh dropped it. Jenny would love this job, a mountain-climbing fetch dog. 


This was when we realised we shouldn't have taken the cable car. It leads to a aboriginal amusement park and there is literally nothing else. Since the theme park looked shitty and we didn't have time to spare, we u-turned back to take the cable car again. A total 30 mins of our lives that we will never get back.

Once back on solid ground, we asked a Hong Jin Bao look alike to take a group photo of us under a big ass tori gate. Not sure if we are in sun moon lake or Japan.

Unintended selfie #2

Song Joong Ki waving to his fangirls after a toilet break. Ok that oppa came from me. But after all, he is handsome, can sing well and worldwide employee of the month. How i want to lick his fingers dry for any remaining residue of his pee.

You can really tell how much this guy loves his job with his monotone introductions. He was actually telling lame jokes with that straight face and flat voice. 

Totally not sniping random girls while on the ferry ride back to the main pier.


Photo of the iconic SML sign. I was slightly aroused by the rock and couldn't stop myself fondling and grinding it.

Back on the road with our driver, we arrived at the nearby town of Puli where Jack treated us to a local specialty..

He bought a box of betel nuts (槟榔) from a bikini-clad lady in 18 degrees celsius. I shit you not she was only wearing a bikini out in the cold. I thought against taking a picture as it seemed a little rude, and also because 她相当不好看. 


Not sure if the packaging is supposed to attract me to buy more? Maybe inside got bonus nudes or foil card?


The instructions given by Jack was too complicated so i just threw it into my mouth, chewed it a few times, swallowed the zhup and spit the residue out. How i regretted not listening to him. Holy shit it gave me an instant sore throat and a numb mouth. How the fuck is this addictive?! It makes you feel like shit! It's been 3 months and i'm still waiting for the high to kick in. To make things worse, the rest of "my friends" didn't try it after i kpkb about it. Yes, we ate just 1 out of the whole box. Hais, at least we got to get up close and personal with a 槟榔西施.

Puli is known for absolutely nothing apart from being the geographical center of Taiwan. 

We were definitely not forced to take this photo judging from our delighted faces. Our driver was actually just killing time to refuel up. Pretty cool to be in the exact center of Taiwan, but it was getting late and we were worried about missing several attractions in Qingjing, so full speed ahead.


It was extremely foggy and cold when we arrived, which was a pretty big issue because the girls there couldn't tell how good looking we were.


As expected from a driver, he captured more cars than the building. What a lj camera angle.


Welcome to Qingjing Farm, home to sheeps and lots and lots of shit. No, really. Shit is everywhere. Some sheeps must have mistakenly eaten their own shit because every inch of grass has sheep shit.  


Although the fog was thick and limited our view, the place gave off a mystical vibe.

With twinkling music playing in the background, this place would seem pretty creepy at night.  


You think sheeps are docile creatures but next minute they are unleashing thunderous baaaas that will make you chua sai


Hi obviously single girl with her brother, 请问您是 shaved or unshaven?


Picture of a sheep eating its own shit

Picture of a sheep eating shit off another piece of shit. You can buy small boxes of sheep feed to stop them eating their own shit. Buy a box, save the sheeps.

Awww. How disgustingly sweet.

More nauseating sweetness to mock us single dogs.

Jh photobombing the couple. To us single fucks, it's the small victories that count. Yeah, 单身万岁! *wanks and cries in loneliness*


More beautiful cherry blossoms on display

The desolate back view of a lonely man as we approach a mama shop for some refreshments.

They have 2 types of ice cream, cow milk and goat's milk. We chose the safer option in case got 羊骚味 

I don't know why, but it's more satisfying to eat ice cream in the cold than in the heat.


Random thought: If i fed the sheep some goat's milk, would it be equivalent to me eating my own semen?

This guy wouldn't mind drinking his own 'milk'.

Jh injured his foot trying to take a cool picture with a dead tree while eating ice cream. 你这傻逼,一点都不酷嘛


Endless plains  grazing sheeps ✔  Feels like Lord of the Rings  


Unfortunately we could not take our time to appreciate the peaceful sights as we were rushing to catch a Mongolian horse show. We could barely make out whether the stables below was the correct location. Saw some horses but not Mongols.


STILL HAD TIME FOR A NIPPURO HARDURO PHOTO THOUGH. Constantly erect nipples are another reason to love cold weather. 


A random stretch of food stalls appeared just to distract us. Good thing we had enough street food for the past 2 nights to resist the temptations.


Spoke too soon. We ended up buying 6 boxes of this glorified egg roll. I struggled to give it away in my office.


Still looking for the god damn Mongolians and their fucking horses.

With our dealer who keeps his stash in the windmill. Who needs drugs when you have a girlfriend? HAHA we have neither.


Made it just in time for the introductions. It's nice to sit on the slopes instead of squeezing with the crowd on the stands.

Impressive display of archery on horseback. But the emphatic "EYYYY!" was unnecessary.

Okay now they are just trying to get on our nerves. Must they HEY after every single thing? You don't see me HEY-ing after masturbation. Maybe i should start doing that.. The show got stale quickly as the stunts were not very impressive.

Eh come here to see show or to see girls?

Answer to that is pretty obvious..

The show was so boring that we had to find other means to entertain ourselves. Decided to leave the show early to see the alpacas aka 操你妈 草泥马 mentioned in the brochure. To our dismay, they are no longer available at the farm. Possibly due to being so annoyed by the shouting from the mongols that they decided to run away.

Found some wooden horses and we started parodying their actions and moans.

MUST WATCH!! Extremely death defying stunt by mongol rider 

接下来是我们的小嘉白展示她的高潮声!

Jl riding wood cowgirl style

 Here's a random statue of Chiang Kai Shek / Sun Yat Sen. Can't tell the difference between the two.


Kl getting friendzoned by Yc.

I thought we were supposed to do chinese kung fu style poses. Tio fake.

Another side effect from not masturbating: Sniffing random shit, pretending they are panties from teenage girls.

Throwback to Japan where he was sniffing twigs at the bamboo forest. He needs help, and by help i mean a handjob. 

We were famished after trekking through 400 steps of stairs to exit the farm, with our last proper meal being the hotel's breakfast. Remembered that our driver recommended this stall selling Yun Nan specialties on the ride up. What could go wrong? This could turn out to be some hidden gem. 

It wasn't. Although a hearty bowl of kway teow soup is always good when you are cold and hungry, you also need to add abit of flavour. Plain water noodles is not my favourite.


The owner, an old lady in her sixties, was very 热情. She whipped up a plate of sour and smelly bamboo shoots (or papaya salad?) on the house. Either way we disliked it but didn't want to be rude or hurt her feelings, so we stuffed the little strands of terror into our bowls of soup to seem like we finished it. We also stated that we were from Malaysia to protect the reputation of future Singaporean visitors. Never bluff hor my mum is half malaysian. But if you are reading this, please don't eat here. Walk further up abit got kfc.


Yc ashamed to let anyone see him dining at this place. Seriously, our driver's recommendations cannot trust one.

A short walk down is the Swiss garden that we were supposed to visit, but ran out of time as the driver had to send us back. I believe the only person disappointed by this was Jl.

 However, we did visit the 7 eleven beside the Swiss garden. Technically, it counts right?

Not content with that sub-par meal, we snapped up some snacks from the convenience store to munch on the trip back to Taichung. Unlike our SEVEN (that's what they call their 7-11), they have an awesome and affordable selection of bentos, noodles, soups, sandwiches and burgers. Their sausage mcmuffin with egg is my new love.

Managed to get a little nap even though our driver was on full blast throughout the drive back. Much thanks to Kl for pretending to be interested in his bullshit so he wouldn't bother us. I'm mostly kidding though, Jack was a safe driver and good tour guide who knows his shit apart from the Yun Nan cuisine recommendations but hey, we can't all be perfect. If you need a driver for a day and love to be bukkake-d with useless facts, go for Mr. Jerry's Travels. Quote "kpkb" to get 10% more facts from the driver. We freshened up back at the hotel (mostly taking turns to shit) and cabbed down to a nice Japanese restoran that Joan recommended for Jl's birthday dinner.

Not sure if Joan dua-ed us because we didn't take advantage of her on both days... There was only one other table occupied apart from us during peak dinner time. Strange.


Anyhow, let's get the dinner party started.


Nothing out of the ordinary, just Jl looking at alcohol and Kl showing Reagan some lemon-stealing whore porn. 


Ladies and gentlemen i present to you the least appetising salad ever. Looks like someone drained the remains of an abc soup and served it. Yuck. The chawanmushi was decent though.


Salmon and ikura was fresh and fatty, BUT they didn't use vinegar rice. What blasphemy is this?  Is it i need to use the lime to make my own sushi rice? We also did not understand the black beans and deep fried crunchy bits. Does this salmon don sexually identify itself as a mango sticky rice?

Aburi salmon don. Semo fusion is this? Might as well throw some orange sauce on it to destroy the pure flavours of the seafood.

Just when you think they can't rape a dish hard enough, they serve us our handrolls stuffed with hay. I still have no idea what those shreds are but they didn't taste good. 


The saving grace right here, Jh's salmon aburi sushi served with real vinegar rice and an extra lime. Just in case he use his fingers to eat need to use lime water wash? No fucking idea.

The portion is generous, fatty and melts in your mouth. The only dish that was good was the one that they didn't over-complicate. Ironic.


They offered a complimentary dish for the birthday girl. This is.... abalone + salmon sushi burger? Topped with ikura and more fucking lime? I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE THE FOOD HERE CONFUSES ME.

Can't remember how was the sago, must have been average since i can't recall anything about it. Conclusion, if you love random ingredients combined together to make a dish, and then topped with lime, visit here! Not satisfied with our funky dinner, we walked towards the Fengjia night market zone to dabao some food back to our hotel.

Auntie, my new fantasy is you ladling scoops of melted braised pork all over my hairy, naked body with your smelly face.


I would sell my kidneys for this pot. The way it is bubbling...so majestic.. so mesmerizing..

A few shops down, we finally found a shop specialising in 葱抓饼 that can add egg add cheese add bacon 


This excites me more than the champions league final

Props to the auntie for keeping her mind on the griddle even though i was furiously jacking off to her cooking just inches away.

Oh how have i missed you.. my little 煎饼. Cheesy, fluffy with egg and smokey with bacon, this is the perfect prata.


NOPE not gonna fall for your oyster omelette with orange sauce.


Today's queue was slightly more acceptable, but the chicken cutlet wasn't particularly outstanding.


In the mood for some dumplings, and this stall makes them good. It's located at some alley in a corner of Fengjia, which actually doesn't help much since the place is enormous.


The wantons submerged in chili oil sold a few steps away were tasty as well.

Different vendor selling stir fried clams, same delicious result.


Seeing that cute little girl reminded me to miss my havoc-wreaking niece.

At the end of our expert 8 day research of Taiwan's street food and drinks, we conclude that this stall sells the best iced tea. Not too sweet and no siap-ness. 

After deciding that we had enough of food, we turned our attention to the games instead.

Some really innovative games that I have never seen in SG, like pushing balloons to the back of the panel where the nails will pop them. A good game for relieving stress.

No ping pong shows in Taiwan, but we get to throw ping pongs into jars and pretend they are twmm vaginas.

The goal is to get 8 balls into the jars and it has to bounce once. Sounds simple but it's actually incredibly frustrating. 

Can't think of a better place to spend our last night in Taichung, with good food, chio bu-s and friendly people.

Stopped off at a convenience store for some drinks. Yes, that is a gift card that blesses you while you indulge in the adult magazine, providing you with a holy masturbation experience. Some weird cross marketing going on there.   

Our final night in this hotel, still feasting on our supper like the previous 2 nights, and packing up our shit. Thanks Taichung for being nice to us, and to Kl for not fapping all over my face while i was asleep. Up next, Taipei and lots of porn.

- End of Day 3 -

No comments: