Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
My nipples are uneven.
And it’s time for day seven.
Woke up alone again in this lovely Vienna hotel room. Sad but we gotta move on with our conquest across Europe.
天黑黑，欲落雨. At least someone was getting wet last night.
My route to Salzburg is by catching a train at Wien Westbahnhof, the main train station in Vienna.
The basic bitch inside me had been looking forward to these cute little open sandwiches at Buffet Trzesniewski.
有没有很 aesthetic? There’s a large variety of flavours to choose from and each of them takes just 2 bites to finish. I love them since they are mostly egg mayo + some other ingredient.
吃饱饱了 time to board train.
Hi my fellow 单身狗. On European trains, single men are not issued proper seats in the cabin.
Single but apparently im still 天真可爱 because this cutie kept running over to visit me. And the toddler was pretty kawaii too.
The landscape slowly changed into a blanket of white snow as we travelled westwards.
A 2 and a half hour journey later and i arrived at Salzburg station or as they call it in very aggressive German, HAUPTBAHNHOF.
Since i was only staying for a night, i booked a hotel right beside the station to get in and out conveniently.
Was it a nice hotel? No fucking clue mate i forgot since it was 3 years ago.
Stored my luggage and headed out to explore the town and it started raining these tiny pellets of ice. Pain bodoh.
Wow another quaint European town, where have i seen this before?
The Mirabell gardens which is an iconic setting in the classic movie ‘The Sound of Music’.
But sorry not my era one so 我没有很 care.
Spotted an auspicious sign for the crucial Liverpool vs Man Utd game which was happening later that night.
Now this is a sight to behold. The buildings reflecting in the lake that runs through the middle of Salzburg old town, and the mighty Hohensalzburg Fortress perched on top of the hill.
But first, let’s grab some lunch at Bärenwirt before heading into town.
Shared a table with a local couple who were impressed with how i found this secluded tavern.
They were even more impressed with the dish i ordered which was considered a local delicacy. After all, who would expect an Asian tourist to order Leberknödelsuppe without an English menu?
So it seems to be a solid, chunky meatball made out of beef liver. Yummy, and the warm broth was perfect for the cold weather.
For mains, i got Käsespätzle aka German mac n cheese.
The addition of fried onions is a 1000 IQ move but the dish got jelak real quick.
Free haribos at the end of the meal to clean my anus for any potential anal sex tonight.
Joy turned into disappointment when i found out that Mingkhai wasn’t working here.
Lots of walking but it was fun navigating through the mazy streets of Old Town.
When i say lots of walking i really mean it. Knn must build everything so far apart anot?
Lol and i still have to make my way up there.
Ok i take back what i said. This isn’t fun anymore.
Hmm somehow this place seems kind of familiar...
I thought i was mentally prepared for the uphill battle. I was not. The icy, slippery slope did not help matters either.
So this is what it looks like living in a castle in the 1500s. They preserved the fortress and all the buildings inside so you can relive how people lived in the old days.
A blacksmith's tower which looks exactly like all the role playing games that i have played.
The string puppet museum is free so by Singaporean law i am required to take a look.
I can confirm it is as uninteresting as you would suspect.
There’s a dedicated section for scary puppets to help me rediscover the PTSD from my childhood.
But what they have is nothing on Chucky. That mfer looks uglier with every sequel.
Ancient tools that may or may not have been found here.
Weapons that may or may not have been used here.
Imagine going on a 24 km route march in this shit.
The exhibitions were truly underwhelming, but the view at the top of the fortress is simply breathtaking.
是美的 lor
The bed like a bit short, 做爱会有点不方便.
Seriously considered buying this bad boy just to whip it out to sign for my Shopee parcels.
Imagine the exasperation within me when i realised there was a funicular that goes to the top all along. 有一种悲伤~ wuhuuuhuu~~
Next up is a visit to St. Peter’s Abbey which is more than just a church.
It holds a huge cemetery which looks hauntingly beautiful in the snow.
Cemeteries in Singapore tend to be a tad creepy but this resting place is just.. gorgeous.
Tiagong Mozart’s sister is also buried here. Tomorrow i go his house ask him.
Then we enter the catacombs which were carved into a mountainside way back in the 1100s.
Wew it looks exactly like the dungeons in Skyrim. I’m ready to fight any draugrs climbing out from their tombs.
The catacombs are eerie but nothing scares me and my gigantic balls after the visit to the Labyrinth in Budapest.
Hang on... why is there an empty open tomb? And what's that rustling sound behind me- AHGFGSGKJAS
Another awesome view from the top of the catacombs to see people come 扫墓 on 清明节.
Gotta say Salzburg is aesthetic af despite being lesser known to tourists.
Oh wow look, it’s another cathedral that i won’t be entering!
Found myself a sports bar, which is not to be confused with a sports bra. That one is Reagan's dad wear one.
Here to catch the big Liverpool vs Man U game which was pivotal to us winning the league. It was a perfect game with Salah finishing them off with a last minute goal to make it 2-0 and send the bar wild.
I don’t love beer because it makes me fart a lot, but you can’t say no when fellow ecstatic LFC fans offer to buy you a pint.
Also celebrated the win with a Jurgen Klopp lookalike and his wife who are both Polish. Really friendly folks and that’s Liverpool fans for you. Boy i hope we win the league this 2020-2021 season and build on the team by buying midfielders and not drop out of top 4 by the 2022-2023 season.
So happy with the win i ran to the river with my erect penis to take in this impressive night view.
Feeling bloated after the beer and my cheapo ass was sick of giving tips at restaurants so i decided to get some takeaway for supper instead.
Nothing special caught my eye at Mcdonald’s so i decided against it.
The idea of choking on an Austrian man's long sausage definitely piqued my interest.
Also ordered Chinese takeout from some Middle Eastern men because what could go wrong?
You know it’s going to be shitty Chinese food when they use that stereotypical Asian font for their signboard.
Long like my dick but thin unlike my dick, this bratwurst was delicious. Never had a bad sausage in Europe so far and it's the one food i miss from the trip. It's also wrapped in newspaper so i can read some outdated Austrian news while eating.
On the contrary, the duck chow mein is a disgrace and the owner should be sent to a labour camp for insulting Chinese food. They just threw all the ingredients together without any finesse.
At least i did get a free fortune cookie with some bullshit quote from the internet so that’s a win. I am definitely regretting going for so many days because i can't wait to finish blogging this series. Everything is just old buildings and churches on repeat my brain cannot generate any more captions. But it needs to be done so ta-ta folks and see you on the next one.
- End of Day 7 -
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