It's time for the annual company team retreat once again! Squeezing every cent from the budget, we were able to go one further than the previous trip to Malacca and take a plane to Krabi this time round. Sawadeekap my Thai fans!
The trip promised to be anything but stress free, as our CFO aka boss' boss decided to join us. We even brought along our work laptops to wayang work if required.
Our choice of accommodation was Deevana Plaza, a nice hotel on a budget but it appeared quite empty during our stay. Hopefully at night don't have uninvited guests disturbing our sleep..
The first course of action was lunch at the hotel's restaurant, a worrying prospect as we were the only diners during lunchtime.
For some reason, there was a certis cisco security guard posted to watch us dine. No idea if he's here to make us feel like VIPs but it was very awkward and he looked sibei sian.
Was there any doubt i would end up at the CFO's table? We sibei stress keep need to kiap food for her and if she kiap for you die die must eat finish even though you already sibei full.
I also paiseh do my food blogger stuff with her around so instead of individual photos with each dish, this will have to do.
There's an inkling in my memory that the red ruby dessert was good. Unfortunately i can't recall shit about the coconut pudding.
No bikini babes at the swimming pool but at least now i know there are other people staying here.
We had to get through a team bonding session before our free and easy time so fingers crossed there are no cringey activities planned for us.
Accurate representation of CFO dumping extra workload (baby powder in this case) onto my boss.
Amazing how the other team is enthusiastically trying their best to win while we are just hoping to get this over and done with. Even the arch enemies in our department are holding hands in a heartwarming scene to ensure victory.
I don't feel any more bonded towards my colleagues but at least there are no more dumb games to play.
Snacks and refreshments were waiting for us as we exited the ballroom. We literally just ate lunch an hour ago.
An assortment of kueh dumplings paired with chili padi. Didn't try any since i was still full and they looked intimidating (especially the baby blue ones).
Wow they even set up a prata frying station. Jl see this confirm wet.
Since we had some free time before dinner, i jio-ed some of my colleagues to walk down to the beach to check out the sand and sea and they were initially super steady. Somehow, the plan reached the ears of our CFO and she decided to tag along. Suddenly EVERYONE pangseh-ed when it was time to meet at the hotel lobby. Thanks friends.
So there were the 2 of us, the CFO & i, having a romantic walk along the beach anticipating the sunset. The only thing missing was the 漫步沙滩 running into each others' arms. Naturally, i was super stressed during the ordeal since she spammed me with work questions and how to improve the business process. Somehow i think she actually had a positive impression of me afterwards so i might be getting promoted to a 小白脸 soon.
Boss loves doing anything touristy so we took an overpriced tuktuk instead of the free shuttle to our dinner location which was only 5 mins away. Worth.
Reunited with the traitors who abandoned me for dead but i forgive them because i would have done exactly the same if i wasn't the organiser.
Dinner was a much needed respite since my brain burned 2000 calories from that stroll on the beach. KoDam Kitchen was packed with customers and had high reviews on google so this meal should turn out better than our lunch.
My friend Mel repping the chiobu pose in the absence of MSE.
Grilled fresh prawns to kick off the meal. Yum.
Nobody does omelettes like the Thais because they are so liberal with the use of oil. Pretty sure they poured the entire middle east into these eggs.
Chicken satays were meh because there was no char on them. Don't these amateurs know that meat tastes better with some cancer on it?
Sadly dinner did not end on a sweet note because the mango in our sticky rice was sour. Hello Thai mango 不是这样的 leh.
Having a massage immediately after dinner wasn't the best idea. I don't know if it was harder trying not to vomit when she pressed my stomach or concealing my boner but it was a relief that no fluids exploded out of my body. God i miss having massages in JB/BKK.
This night market near our hotel was every bit as underwhelming as the pasar malams that we get in Tampines. It took us a whole 3 mins to complete and we had no clue what to do for the remainder of the night.
Luckily, there was a 7 eleven nearby which had more stuff for us to shop than the night market. We were initially planning to get some masks and just chill in one of the rooms but plans tend to go out the window with the CFO around.
She wanted to cosplay Zoe Tay in 双天至尊 so my boss tasked me to go to every room and threaten people with their bonus politely ask them to come and play some ban luck. Sorry guys, this time i wasn't going to suffer alone. After a long night of playing cards, we were finally allowed to go to bed at 1am.
- Day 2 -
The following morning was extremely shag as i had to get up early for my kayaking tour with Klook.
However, my eyes were cranked opened as soon as i spotted the egg station. 很开心很硬.
Since i have never been kayaking and was worried about getting seasick, i had a relatively light breakfast. To the 2 chefs at the egg station, 我今天放过你.
Signing up for this tour early was the best decision of my life. I dodged the CFO who decided she wanted to kayak as well but since it was too late to buy the voucher on klook, they had to sign up with another organiser.
On top of that, i was the only guy on the tour. It was tough trying to hide my erection while being surrounded by lots of girls (mostly Singaporeans) but i was blissfully happy. I knew buying tissues from that auntie at the mrt station would pay off someday.
Since i was alone and the others came in pairs, the instructor gave me a choice to kayak alone or with his co-guide. Hey, i'm here on holiday not to exercise of course i chose the lepak option.
The scenery is pretty nice. We started out in Ao Thalane Bay where islands and forested cliffs are littered all around.
Calming and serene, except for the frantic screams of some of the girls who are struggling to maneuver their kayak.
The best part was that the water is only knee deep so there was never any danger of drowning. That is unless my partner was sick of doing all the work while i was taking photos and holds my head underwater out of pure frustration.
Our first pit stop was a tiny island cornered off by the sea. Wow i can stand here and admire these mounds all day long.
Of course not i draw one cause that would be pretty gay. After all, i have to maintain my masculine image in front of the girls.
More wonderful photos of the fantastic scenery on offer.
The cliffs and rock formations made for a fun obstacle course, although crashing into them could cause some serious damage to the testis.
But even if we capsized i knew everything would be fine with our instructor around. His mere presence would make me feel safe on the Titanic.
We then turned into a mangrove and saw some tiny crabs. If you can spot them you will be able to find the small penis in my pants.
Next, we stopped at a sandflat where we were able to get up close and personal with some sea creatures.
I'm genuinely trying to take a video of the scenery guys.
Starfishes, hermit crabs, little fishes, we molested them all.
Meanwhile, my colleagues and their kayaking tour were just 50m away. Seems like they are having fun too.
Props to the guy who sacrificed for the greater good and partnered with the CFO. I just know that would have been me if i were in their group. 谢谢观音妈保佑.
But damn, their cave route looks much more fun than our mangrove tour.
There was even a part where you would have to lie down while drifting through the cave or risk getting decapitated. I know i would be fan jian trying to test out the height limit.
But i have no regrets because after the activity i had lunch in the rain with my ladies. Mmm food and wet t-shirts, what else could i ask for?
Tbh the cai png they served us was pretty shit but i savoured every single morsel of it.
Not sure why perhaps i was just famished after all that kayaking.
Sensing my craving for coconuts, our guide started chopping up some for us. Refreshing.
In a blink of an eye, my paradise came to an end but I managed to exchange ig with a couple of them so who knows? The Krabi love story may yet be continued.
It started pouring as soon as i got back to our hotel. Perfect timing for a nap while dreaming about my kayak girls.
It's time to find out who is the best chef in the finance dept as we headed to a cooking school that evening.
Aprons up and ready to go! Never cooked Thai food before in my life so this should be fun.
Chaos in the kitchen while our teacher was dishing out non stop lame puns. I think he never kenna pour boiling tom yum soup before.
I think it's great that they did not prepare everything nicely for you to throw inside the cooking pot. You have to slice and dice your own veggies, measure the correct amounts of each ingredient and ensure your throw in the right stuff in the right dish.
Tadah! Here's my 4 course meal selling at only $99.90 which is still a better deal than Ben Yeo's smokey chee cheong fun.
Introducing the dishes. I thought my pad thai was legit delicious #noselfpraise mainly because i made it more savoury than the usual sweet version we get. Very proud of this dish.
Lol i had no idea the green bean salad would be raw. The smell of the raw vegetable quite gao wei like eating grass after the bangala cut downstairs. This one is recipe fault not chef fault ok.
Half of my tom yum soup may have evaporated but it was super good. Sour and spicy with the seafood flavour fully infused inside. Watch out Nakhon once i open restoran you confirm toh.
Let's just ignore my panang curry that looks like a steaming pile of vomit... I added too much coconut milk and chili so it was fking spicy but at least it was still kinda edible.
2/4 ain't bad i'm sure there are worse dishes than mine. Quite funny the CFO keep force us to sample hers then must por her say ho jiak.
No masters degree but at least i have this certificate to prove that i did not poison myself. My future grandchildren will be proud of me.
With the mains done, they also showed us how to make some classic thai desserts including mango sticky rice. I actually enjoyed this experience much more than i thought i would.
What's a Thailand trip without a night market? We finally found a proper one that stretches for a few blocks and not that disgrace near our hotel.
Boss buying us handcrafted soaps that i will never use in my life. It's doing a good job keeping the underwear in my closet smelling fresh tho. Also, i suspect it's because Krabi is relatively near to the Malaysian border, but why are there so many muslims here and why can't i find my favourite moo ping (pork skewer) anywhere?
If i thought that was difficult, one of my toughest missions that night was sneaking off and scampering around to find a cake. Thankfully i found a Swensen's in some lok kok mall just before they closed.
Happy birthday guys. You might taste some of my sweat in the cake but that just adds a bit more to the flavour.
Heng no gambling tonight but we 不甘愿 end our last night just like this.
Sneaking in one last massage before having to fly home the next day. Nothing feels as good as having another man rub my hairy legs sensually with oil.
Returned to hotel to find my roommate already k.o-ed with this weird, elevator music playing from his phone. First time i felt like i was sleeping at a hotel lobby.
- Day 3 -
We kickstarted the 3rd and final day with yoga. Yes that's right, me, an inflexible 28 year old attempting stretches that my body cannot possibly do. This will not be fun.
And as the maknae i was automatically assigned the spot in the sun. Doing this while sweating and burning was definitely not zen at all.
But most of the time i was just trying not to fall into the pool. Actually, that wouldn't be such a bad idea since i'm going to get a heatstroke anytime now.
After a wash up and breakfast, it was time to leave for the airport. This was the first time that i actually felt glad to end a trip because most of it was stressing over handling the CFO's questions and requests at any given moment. Still, there were some fun and unforgettable moments like cooking with the colleagues and kayaking with 仙女s. I probably wouldn't go back to Krabi though, as it seems like there isn't too much to do. Also, i just realised that i did not eat any pad thai (except my own cooking) on this trip. Blasphemy.
- End of Krabi Trip 2019 -
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